RETREAT!

D-Day re-enactment Blyth Battery

It’s been an interesting week since stepping out and starting this blog. As soon I posted it my mind went into overdrive. Creative anxiety struck.

All of a sudden I was consumed with doubt about everything I was doing, the fear gremlin began shouting loudly that I’m silly for starting this, that the pictures I’d posted were crap and people didn’t like them. Why wasn’t I getting more likes? Why didn’t this person like it? Other peoples accounts are way better, I'll never be as good as...how much of a joke I was...the list goes on and on. We all know what that fear gremlin sounds like, right!?

Everything in me just wanted to retreat from the war I had declared just a day or two earlier, to pull back, delete the blog, delete the Instagram, stop this childish creative stuff, stop all this nonsense because it's not worth doing, I’m not a creative, I’m a crap photographer, I'm a useless musician and I’ve got nothing to offer...the gremlin was incessant in its assault. My default setting has always been to retreat at the first sign of doubt when it comes to creating, because failure was on the horizon.

Then I had a thought, does it really matter whether people like it? Like really...does it matter in the grander scheme of this world? Simply put, no, it doesn’t matter, because this is about ME and hopefully YOU creating things from intuition and heart for ourselves initially, for the enjoyment of creating.

It's about actually being in the creative battlefield, the doubts, comparisons and critics are going to come, it's inevitable. I know on this occasion because of what I've started I can't retreat and I must push onwards taking ground, even though it doesn't seem like a victory in my eyes is coming any time soon.

What does a victory look like anyway? For me right now, a victory is taking action and creating anything and being comfortable with the flaws. It's not bowing to the fear gremlin.

What I need to remind myself is that it’s the process that’s shaping me, refining me, sharpening me even though I never really feel it or see it. It’s the process that releases the tension I let build up inside by being inactive and not creating. It’s the release I need so I don’t end up wrongly resenting and blaming the people I love from stopping me creating, when it's always been me who is the cause of creative inaction.

So the challenge for me has been to not retreat because people might not have liked it or it didn't match the standard of this persons work or because that person didn't say anything to me so they must hate it as the fear gremlin might have had me initially believe. In the end it just simply doesn’t matter!

What matters is that I have created the work, taken the terrible photo, made the crappy song and in creating I have taken one more step of progress, one more step of improvement, one more bad idea out the way or maybe even one more piece of treasure discovered as a surprise.

So let me encourage you, do not retreat in whatever you're creatively pursuing. Kick that fear gremlin who is ranting, tell him to shut up and that you're busy creating for yourself, for the joy, so who cares what the world says about it. Know with each piece of work, whether it be big, small, good or bad, you're growing, learning, refining and taking one step closer to becoming the better creative you desire to be and who knows maybe you'll find a few nuggets of gold along the way.

Personally I'm easily overcome if I set my sights on the big victory, the big idea, even the big problems we might have, so recognising and pursuing the tiny victories for me is where it's at, no matter how small or irrelevant they may seem. It's those tiny little victories that cascade into the bigger victories, so my question to you today is, what do you call a victory when you're creating or even in life? Make little victories a daily occurrence. Never retreat!