I DECLARE WAR....

Have you ever listened to a great song and thought "I could have written that?"

Ever heard an amazing riff or a hook in a song and thought "why didn't I write that, it's so simple?"

Ever looked at a piece of bespoke furniture and thought "£300? for a wooden coffee table, it's just some nice chunky wood from a timber yard? I could have a crack at making that..."

Now, I'm not saying I can make things to the same standard as some big talented music artist or a really well trained carpenter/joiner, or take photos like a pro photographer, I can't. I do recognise that with the hands, ears, eyes and skills I have, there's no reason why I couldn't have written that chord progression or melody I love so much, captured that beautiful moment via photo or have a nice wooden rustic coffee table I like which didn't cost the earth but has a similar vibe.

Welcome to my mind...probably the mind of a lot of creative people (whatever it is you create in the world). Here's the thing...for me the surface answer to why I don't do or even attempt these things is simple...I'm the king of procrastination.

Seriously though, I watch videos about procrastination (no joke). I read about it...it's actually taken me two months to even get this blog sorted. My wife just laughs at how slow I am at this. Every attempt ends in procrastinating, catastrophising the outcome about starting this, then clicking on Youtube and watching videos about the things I want to do or create, listening to songs I wish I'd written, looking at the pictures on Instagram I wish I'd taken or looking at eBay for gear I think I need in order to release these world changing creative ideas of mine (sarcasm!). I tell myself "I'm just creatively lazy", I beat myself up about not putting the time in to make the creative ideas I have a reality.

I make the excuse of not being as young, determined, hungry or as talented as everyone else out there but here's the real heart of the matter I've only discovered in recent years...I'm absolutely petrified of failure and rejection.

So, my name is Duncan and I'm a creative who is a perfectionist, a procrastinator, who has a fear of failure and rejection. You might say "well everyone has that. " Yeah they do...but this cripples me like not many people I know. If the outcome isn't certain, I'm unlikely to step out unless I'm pushed into an unavoidable situation. I'll do anything to avoid failure even if that means complete inaction. Only now can I admit a fear of failure has hindered my life in numerous ways, much to my detriment.

For years (and I mean probably 20 years!) I've felt that I've had creative work to do, burning inside of me, it feels like it's significant even if just for me (and all the creatives raised their hands for feeling the same about the ideas they have). Yet I just can't get out the ideas or creations, they just never materialise. The really good ones sit inside of me hidden, elusive like buried treasure. The problem is the miles of sweat, dirt and failure I need to dig through to get to them. I know they're there, every day I feel it, yet the cycle of perfectionism and fear of failing stops me before I can barely even start.

Well today is the day I DECLARE WAR on the procrastinating, fearful creative I have been !

If you identify with any of this then this blog is for you! I hope you're encouraged as I show you you're not alone and that it's okay to create utter dross in your chosen field of creativity and for things to fall way below what industry or the world would deem good.

In fact, its a complete necessity to wade through the sludge of awful ideas and creations...I know the methods and I've read the books, but right at this time, I haven't been willing to face it.

Really, this blog is a release, therapy for me to embrace some failure in public and hopefully realise the world hasn't ended and I'm still alive. It's to put something out there, to get into the arena and actually begin the battle, to trample this fear, embrace the failure and live a life empty of the creativity inside. To find the treasure, even if it's just treasure for me.

Basically there is no masterplan here, I'm going to share what I'm thinking and feeling in this blog as a way for me to process, document and hopefully release these creative babies that I've been pregnant with for years, whatever the quality or feeling I have towards it. To create despite the fear, to push on with the awful idea, to produce and finish the work even though my perfectionist self might not be happy with it...to embrace this whole process of creating despite failure

I'd love for you to come along for the ride in hope that my journey might just help, inspire and push you to pull those creative ideas and ventures you feel brewing inside of you out into the light with no excuses and no fear!

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P.S. Part of the challenge to myself in creating this blog is to only use images and design stuff I've created from scratch, so all content is my work.